what happened to the welding jokes?

By jwright650 (*****)

Date 04-05-2007 13:20

Who said it was a she?......hmmm?

By RonG

Date 04-05-2007 15:31

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."

The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

By RonG

Date 04-05-2007 15:37

Christine is going to kill me I just know it but I can't resist.

Three blondes were witnesses to a crime, so they went to the police station to identify the suspect. The police chief said he would show them a mug shot of someone for thirty seconds, then ask each one for a description. After showing the photo to the first blonde, he covered it, then asked her how she would recognize the suspect.

"Easy, " she replied. "He only has one eye."

The chief was stunned. "He only has one eye because it is a profile shot! Think about it!" He repeated the procedure for the second blonde and again asked how she would recognize him.

"He only has one ear, " was her answer.

"What is the matter with you people?!? It is a profile shot! You are seeing him from the side!" He repeated the procedure for the third blonde, then said, "How would you recognize the suspect? Now think before you give me a stupid answer."

After viewing the photo, she thought for a minute, then said, "He's wearing contact lenses."

This took the chief by surprise. He looked real hard at the picture and couldn't tell if the suspect had contacts or not, so he went into the database and looked at the report. Sure enough, when the mug shot was taken, he was wearing contact lenses! He went back to her and asked, "How could you tell he was wearing contact lenses? Nobody else here in this precinct saw that!"

"Well, " she said, "he can't wear regular glasses with only one eye and one ear, now, can he?"

By Tommyjoking (****)

Date 05-12-2007 09:27

Ron that was a great joke LOL.!!!!

By Tommyjoking (****)

Date 05-12-2007 09:20 Edited 05-12-2007 09:23

I don't know to many family friendly jokes but here is two unrelated to welding but funny just the same...one is dirty but i will clean it up.

Did you hear about the bass player that locked his keys in his car........?

Took him two hours to get the drummer out.

Second is long, old, involved but very good if told with style:

These two martians were crusing around in there z28 saucer and having a good time drinking some martian brews and watching a little galactic tv etc. (use your own stuff).   At any rate one says to the other "you know all we do is same dang thing every night ...cruise around the sun and stuff and get drunk...I am real tired of this. Martian #2 says well I know what we can do thats different" Martian#1 " what" Martian #2 "well you ever met an earthling dude?" Martian#1 "whats that?" Martin #2 well you see that little blue ball over there...well thats the earthling habitat..cmon let me show you"   (best impersonation of a martian z28 spaceship landing on earth you can muster). The martian land in the desert...middle of Arizona....nothing but cactus, sand and a lonely little two lane highway going thru the desert night.   Well they land and get out and #1 says to #2 "hey this looks like home....where are these earthlings out". Martian #2 says "hey you see that (points to the blacktop two lane)...thats an earthling trail! If we follow that we will find some".   So they foot it up the road for about 10 miles and eventually come upon a little maw and pop gas station (you know the kind that says last chance GAS for 500 miles)...anyway there is a sign in the door of the gas station that says "GONE fishin back in two weeks".

Well martian #1 says to #2 "hey whats that?" #2 replies "well thats an earthling habitat man...lets go talk to em" Martian #1 stolls causually up to the unleaded pump and says "hey dude take me to you leader, eh?!?".....after a long pause he says to #2 "hey this one dont understand plain ole martian man"   Martian #2 replies "well I don't think he is in charge try another one" SO.. Martian #1 moves infront of the mid grade pump and repeats "hey dude take me to you leader, eh?!?"......Well after a long pause he says to #2 "what is this man these guys are kinda rude?!/) Martian #2 says " well they can be kinda cantankerous...wait try this guy (pointing to the super unleaded pump with all the little flags and signage on it)". Martian #1 repeats his lineage "hey dude take me to you leader, eh?!?" three times with no results. Finally with the all the speed and skill he can muster Martian #1 whips out his ray gun and proclamies " take me to you leader on the count of three or ELSE earthling!!!!!"    "ONE" Now martian #1's friend Martian #2 is quite alarmed at this and starts to back away....all the while mumbeling "hey you dont want to do this man...ummm no dont do this dude"

"TWO"

martian #2 " this is a baaaad idea bro....."

"THREE"

zaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppp

KABLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

Huge explosion that can be seen from twenty miles away in the flat desert.

Both martians land in a sand dune...and are busy patting out fires on themselves and choking on smoke and fumes......

Finally after all the comotion settles down.....Martin #1 asks #2 "Man how did you know those earthlings would kick our butts like that?"""

Martian #2 calmly replies:

" Look dude....anyone that can take thier ^willy johnson^ wrap it around themselves twice and stick it in their ear...Is most definitely NOT someone you want to mess with!!!!!"

By RonG

Date 05-12-2007 11:31

Oh man did you date your self with that one, clear back to the sixty's.

Then theres is the one about the same 2 Martians that are only about 3 feet tall and encounter a very tall statuesque naked woman. Their demand was "Take me to your ladder; I'll see your Leader later".

By aevald

Date 05-13-2007 17:12 Edited 05-13-2007 17:27

This one's an old one but still kind of funny: a welder goes skydiving, as he is preparing to make his jump the jumpmaster stops him and ask why he is carrying all the welding lead, his reply: "well I know if my chute doesn't open this lead is guaranteed to hang up on something". Sorry, couldn't resist. Regards, aevald

By RonG

Date 04-03-2007 20:24

I used to be a Blond when I had hair. I still walk in to buildings tho.

By jon20013 (*****)

Date 04-03-2007 20:44

It ain't me guys... TICK... TICK... TICK... this thread is lit and ready to be pulled....

The tongue twisters seem to be a bit too "readable" if ya know what I mean... and I ain't going to comment on the blonde jokes because I've got an encyclopedia full of them but not gonna share them here either! ;-)

By RonG

Date 04-03-2007 21:00

I think Hogan hit the nail on the head. "it's started":-)

By RonG

Date 04-05-2007 16:40

Hey Chet, I owe you one. I believe you maybe the one in her sights now.

By Cgregory (**)

Date 04-06-2007 13:42

Well, since I _also_ wear glasses :)

:: grins ::

By Cgregory (**)

Date 04-06-2007 13:50

Not an affliction -- a gift :)

:: grins ::

-- Christine

By CHGuilford (****)

Date 04-07-2007 00:42

Well thank you for being a good sport, Christine! I'll lay off the blonde comments now.

By jwright650 (*****)

Date 04-10-2007 12:29

Don't forget to be easy on the 4 I's (glasses) jokes too....

I'm also a blonde and wear spectacles :-) LOL

By makeithot (***)

Date 04-30-2007 22:42

Why did God make brunettes? ------ Ugly guys need loving too.

By arrowside (**)

Date 01-02-2008 22:31

during my cwi seminar, the instructor played a radio ad for " Amazing Blaze Heatin' and Beatin' ". Does anyone have this? p.s.- it was before class started when he played it.

By JTMcC

Date 01-02-2008 23:25

I've got it, pretty funny.
long arc, short arc, heliarc in the dark, uphill, downhill, around the corner, 2" off the floor with or without a mirror, if you dson't like the way I do it, I'll let you try.

If you want it, send me your email address and I'll send it to you.

JTMcC.

By rig welder6 (**)

Date 01-06-2008 05:21

wats your e-mail or where can a find that "song" thanks alot

By ctacker (****)

Date 01-03-2008 00:18

This May be it, i dont have speakers at work so i cant hear it!
http://www.aws.org/cgi-bin/mwf/topic_show.pl?pid=73521#pid73521

By GonzoWeld (*)

Date 01-03-2008 02:38

That is freaking funny!!

By arrowside (**)

Date 01-03-2008 23:01

That's the one. Thanks tacker!

By Kix

Date 01-07-2008 18:21

Ok there's these two bananas walking down the beach on a sunny day. On the walk they noticed a turd floating in the ocean and it started yelling at them " Hey, come on in the waters fine". The one banana looked to the other banana and said "do you believe that shhhh it"... I didn't curse.;-)

By Plasma-Brain (**)

Date 01-07-2008 20:06

LOL

By swnorris (****)

Date 01-09-2008 17:48

One day, the seven dwarfs left to go work in the mine. Snow White stayed home to prepare lunch. When she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave in. Tearfully, and fearing the worst. Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that some of the dwarfs had survived. "Hello, hello," she called. "Can anyone hear me? Hello" For quite a while there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White called again, "Hello. Is anyone down there?" Just as she was about to give up all hope, there came a faint voice from deep in the mine. The voice said, "Vote for Hillary. Vote for Hillary." Snow White, somewhat relieved screamed out, "Oh, thank God. Dopey is still alive."

By mountainman (***)

Date 01-10-2008 16:04

how do you spell mississippi?

By hogan

Date 03-18-2008 15:09

in YOUR oponoin

By jrw159

Date 03-18-2008 15:30

[deleted]

By hogan

Date 03-18-2008 15:56

"Little Johnny" = pedophiliac in nature ?what?

look yourself in the mirror and ask "Was a sore spot hit or were the jokes deemed inapropriate really that much worse than many of the others?" There is no need for an answer because everyone knows the answer to this, IF answered honestly and TRUTHFULLY. - that's what makes a joke a joke. if you can't laugh at yourself, your not living a happy life.

these statements seem a little too politically correct. imo. also if people feel the need to post religious comments then jokes should be equally allowed. if it's that offensive then we should not be allowed to post anything religious. my views are different than most but my views are offensive?

i was making the statement that what you stated was your opinion. this has no bearing on the morality of a person. imo

By jrw159

Date 03-18-2008 17:31

[deleted]

By johnnyh (***)

Date 03-18-2008 18:28

If this keeps going we will soon have to verify we are 18 to look at the jokes. Personally I like reading the joke threads. We are from different areas of the world and sometimes humor varies from different cultures. If you try hard enough you can even learn things from the posted jokes. I dont remember the particular joke in question but I know that it started a windstorm. I know the majority of the people on here are great individuals who share their knowledge on a daily basis and that is how I regard this forum. A couple of offensive jokes wont deter me from accessing this forum daily when all I have to do is keep on scrolling after I read it. I might make a mental note of the poster but thats about it. Cable TV is probably alot worse.

By Root Pass (***)

Date 03-18-2008 18:34

That joke was bad and I have laughed at some sick ones. Child sex or whatever you want to call it is wrong everywhere. IMO
'

By jrw159

Date 03-18-2008 19:14 Edited 03-18-2008 20:03

[deleted]

By johnnyh (***)

Date 03-18-2008 19:57

Oh I remember it now. Yeah it was bad. Maybe they can pay Ross a couple extra hundred k and he can add censor to his title. LOL

By jrw159

Date 03-18-2008 20:08

[deleted]

By jwright650 (*****)

Date 03-20-2008 10:54

I don't recall the particular joke that was deleted, but if the gist of the responses to that joke started getting out of hand and changed over to a bashing of other members of the forum,......I can tell you pretty quickly that was the reason for the deletion. I personally have taken down threads or locked them when the bashing of other forum users got a bit out of hand.

As a moderator you can't just delete certain posts out of these threads and leave the good ones....the thread has to have continuity. I can delete the last post or I can delete the whole thread, but I can't just go into the middle of a thread and delete a post here or there(unless the forum software has been updated and I'm not aware of it)...so it may have been a situation like this.

By Joseph P. Kane (****)

Date 03-20-2008 20:06

******** JOHN! stop it!

By ross

Date 03-21-2008 13:43

I go through and delete certain jokes on a regular basis. I do this to protect the forum. That's just the way it is.

Ross
AWS Marketing

By Joseph P. Kane (****)

Date 03-23-2008 01:17

HenryI

I do not agree. I do not always agree with someone else's proclamation of what is, and is not in "good taste". In this case I am also subjected "Political Correctness". If we are going to play "politically correct", there are plenty of other opinions which should have equal weight. I am offended by a number of opinions expressed on this Forum, the topics, and some of the responses to the strings. If we are going to be politically correct and avoid offending some, then we should avoid offending everyone - eliminate all the ofending subjects altogether. In Fact, eliminate the Forum.

Now, I am particularly offended by the voilume of SA 200 threads. I am incensed by efforts to get Spanish translations to the D 1.1. There are number of other things that bother me. Let's delete these strings and even the topics themselves, if they are going to continue to abuse my good and pleasant nature and genteel sensibilities.

We regularly delete the commercial threads from the Chineese companies . So, couldn't the threads that praise Skellon be considered commercial by some?

When I bashed Canada, and my threads were censored, several other people were unpatriotically blasting the war and President Bush, and their threads are still there. I remember what the anti-war and Anti Nixon coverage did to the Viet Nam era veterans. While it is everyone's right to express their political opinion, it is still disloyalty in war time.

Censorship is wrong. Politically correct censorship is aggravating.

So, let John and Ross keep their sensibilities to themselves and restore all the so called "objectionable" threads.

Joe Kane.