Now, now, Shad. Calm down. Just close your eyes and picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. Look. It's the IRS agent who caused you all this stress in the first place. What a pleasant surprise. You teasingly let him up, just for a quick breath, then ploop. Back under he goes. You are relaxed and at peace.
Seriously, it sounds like you need to find a good accountant. You'll know it when you find a good one because all the good ones have loopholes named after them. I've personally found it encouraging to know that for every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong. The trick is to do your tax return before breakfast and nothing worse will happen to you all day long. Just don't make the same mistake I made and do your tax return late at night. I was so stressed out I couldn't go to sleep. I tried counting sheep, but I kept making mistakes. Then I spent the rest of the night trying to find them. Don't worry. You probably won't get audited. In fact, the chances of getting audited is roughly 1000 to 1, and out of that, there's only a 50/50 that it will be you. Well, good luck, and let us know how it turns out.
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