I have a picture of my wife on my desk at work.  When there's a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at her picture and the problem immediately disappears.  It's not because that she's made such a positive impact on my life, its because when I see her picture I say to myself, "What other problem could possibly be greater than this one?" Guys, if you're married please ignore this message.  For everyone else... Happy Independence Day!!  I don't know about the rest of you, but I find it difficult to understand God.  He makes beautiful things, such as women and then he turns them into wives.  There's a reason why it's against the law for a man to marry a second woman.  It's because as a law, you can't be punished twice for the same offense.  I wish I could have married my fantasy wife.  She's understanding, and she's fantastic in the kitchen. Totally naked under her apron. A real freak.... a pot in one hand and a pan in the other, cooking two meals at once, and neither one has vegetables.  She knows how to dress. In fact, she wouldn't even own shirts or shoes. She's be topless and barefoot at all times. The only outfit she'd own would include a stethoscope and a little white hat with red plus sign.  She'd do my taxes.  I'd never know if she has bad breath because she would never talk.... except for two phrases. "Dinner's ready" and "I'm ready."  She'd have a tattoo on the small of her back, right above her ass in the shape of a beer coaster, so while making love, I'd have somewhere to put my beer.  Our marriage license would expire on her 30th birthday.  She'd have nipples made of bubble gum, and she would never mention to her girlfriends that I'm hung like a field mouse.