Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives,  socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of  this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce.  I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future  generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.  Our two ideological sides of  America cannot and will not ever agree on what is  right so let's just end it on friendly terms.  We can smile and chalk it  up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass  each taking a portion.  That will be the difficult part, but I am sure  our two sides can come to a friendly agreement.  After that, it should  be relatively easy!  Our respective representatives can effortlessly  divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are  welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics..  Since  you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and  the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell...

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical  companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless,  homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens.  We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey  moms and rednecks.  We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and  Hollywood .

You can make nice with  Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the  right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.  You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters.  When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.  You are welcome to  Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain.  You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars.  You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing  doctors.  We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a  right.  We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National  Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the  World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickledown economics and you can give trickle  up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree,  just hit delete.  In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR  which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you.