Boy, my Uncle sends me some real lou lou's,

Economic Stimulus payment
 
Sometime this year, we taxpayers may again receive an Economic Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it using the Q and A format:

Q.  What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

A.  It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.  Where will the government get this money?

A.  From taxpayers.
 
Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?

A.  Only a smidgen.

Q.  What is the purpose of this payment?

A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q.  But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A.  Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: 

.      If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .

.      If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

.      If you purchase a computer, it will go to India . 

.      If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala .

.      If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

.      If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

.      If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by either spending it:

1)      at yard sales     

2)      going to ball games

3)      on hookers 

4)      on beer  

5)      on tattoos

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the US .)

Conclusion: For the best bang for your buck (so to speak), go to a ball game with a tattooed whore that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
That's as patriotic as you can get!