Tommy,
Good luck with the interview. Over the years I have been through a lot of job interviews. I can’t really tell you what you could say that might help you land a job, but I can tell you what not to say or do…
First of all, don’t stretch out on the floor to fill out the job application. Second, don’t list your parole officer and your employment lawyer as references. Third, where it says “sex” on your application, don’t put oh boy!
After you fill out your application, think about what you’re going to say during the interview. You must never make the mistake of thinking that the interviewer will appreciate your honesty. Kind of like when you think that the court appointed psychologist is your friend, you know? You have to lie, and lie big time. If you get caught, just say that you misunderstood the question and ask that it be re-phrased.
When you meet the interviewer, don’t say “make it snappy”. “I’m a busy man”, and don’t ask if you can order a taped copy of the interview.
During the interview, even if it’s justifiable, never interrupt the interview to call your therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions. If you hear police sirens, stay calm and remain seated. Don’t get up to look out the window. Don’t ask the interviewer what he/she wants you do if you can’t walk to work when it's raining, and don’t ask if he/she can pick you up. Lastly, don’t ask how many young women work there. You can find that out your first day on the job.
At this point, if for whatever reason the interview isn’t going well, you could try challenging the interviewer to arm wrestle, saying that if you beat her, she has to hire you.
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