Mark,
please allow to agree entirely with you!
I'd venture to say moreover, that even the one who were able to prepare some reasonable and easy suitable standards on this (by simplifying the infinite number of variables), would become fairly rich.
At least however, he or she would have deserved to receive the Nobel Prize in Physics...
To keep it serious. All the numerical simulations on weld distortion(s), strains and tensions, ..., which I have heard or read of, were just small tessellae and always to be considered as being partially valid for even the specific part geometry, welding process, material's composition, etc.
An "in general" valid procedure making it feasible to "... not have to do calculations ..." is truly unknown to me.
Best regards,
Stephan