bbwinc,
I get frequently asked if I'm related to Chuck Norris. To answer your question, no, I'm not, but like Chuck, I'm somewhat of a martial arts enthusiast myself. I frequently sign up for beginner karate classes so that I beat the crap out of little kids. I've trained and modeled myself after Chuck Norris, who is still the baddest man on the planet. Did you know that He once roundhouse kicked someone so hard and so fast, his foot actually broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean? When Chuck was eleven years old, he impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away deep in the Himalayan mountains. Nine months later, all the nuns gave birth to what was to become the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history. Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris. Chuck rarely speaks. To be more like him, I'm currently working on a language that only uses a series of kicks and punches for communication, So if I happen to kick someone's ass, they shouldn't take it personally, because it might just be my way of saying that I like their new hat. In order for me to keep myself in top physical condition I created a very unique exercise that builds muscle strength in my arms and shoulders. I stand on a comfortable surface and make sure I have plenty of room at each side. When I first started this exercise, I started with a 5 lb. potato sack in each hand. I extend my arms straight out from my sides, and hold them there as long as I possibly can, trying to reach a full minute, then relaxing. After a couple of weeks, I moved up to 10 lb. potato sacks Now, just a short eight weeks later, I'm up to 50 lb. potato sacks. My personal goal is to eventually try to get to the point where I can lift a 100 lb. potato sack in each hand and be able to hold my arms straight for more than a full minute. Once I gain supreme confidence at that level, I'll go back to the 5 lb. sacks and put some potatoes in them.
By bbwinc
Date 01-09-2009 21:13
Edited 01-09-2009 21:18
TWO FUNNY!!!!
Anyway did we find a # for the christian brothers company yet?
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, too bad he never cries, NEVER.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
When Chuck Norris goes to donates blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be "Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division".
On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.
I love the Blendtec videos, guy cracks me up
When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris."
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.