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Up Topic Chit-Chat & Non-Welding Discussion / Off-Topic Bar and Grill / Advice on married with step kids
- - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-15-2009 19:58
Ok guys i know this aint a place for this but i consider alot of you very close friends and was just looking for your in put on being married to a wife with kids i am haveing hell with the oldest boy i wont go into detail
Parent - - By Cactusthewelder (*****) Date 02-15-2009 20:48
Shad, In my opinion and speaking from experience. That fact that the kid is  not YOURS puts you in a no win situation from the get go. Like I said. In MY opinion
Parent - - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-15-2009 21:06
yeah i'm learning that the only time i get talked to is when he needs money which i dont have so it has to be important i wish i had a mom like his when i was growing up lol. I just need to get the hell out of here maybe a break would help but not likely. I'm leaning towards divorce. We been togehter for 5 years married for 3 and aint nothing chnaged yet
Parent - - By Superflux (****) Date 02-15-2009 22:14
Your step son has (as most kids do, but step kids excell) learned how to manipulate the 2 of you and is perfecting his craft DAILY. This is a no win situation without the guidance and support from his mother.
Unless you and his mom can be 100% dedicated to preserving the marriage and moulding him into a man instead of a whinney, gimme...you're all doomed to be another sad statistic.
Just like any bad investment (emotional or financial), sometimes you have to accept the loss cut loose and go on.

My experience was...After 3 years of not seeing my own flesh and blood (adult) children, they asked me "Why didn't you and mom get divorced years earlier. Everyone would have been a lot happier!"

Or..Go roadwhore it, send all the money back to her and everyone will be happy ever after! It made a happy marriage for us until....
I wish you well.
Parent - - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-15-2009 22:34
I'm waiting for the call to go road whorin and i only send half the money back  a man has to live and pay taxes and etc but yeah i learned the hard way and now i just tell em i dont have any money piss on em if she wants him to have money she can take out of hers or the child support. This is the first time i've been married and prolly the last i got a taste of my freedom back when i was on the road for a few weeks it was nice no yellin and screaming and watched what i wanted on tv and drank beer when i wanted to damn i miss my freedom just waiting for the call so i can roll out of here get some money together and i guess do the deed i'm tired of being the sole suporter and well i dont have nothing to hold me here i lost my 1 and only chance to be a dad
Parent - - By tighand430 (***) Date 02-15-2009 23:09
When I got 13 an started needin more money, dad told me to go get a job. If they want it bad enough, they'll do what it takes to make it.
Parent - By Metarinka (****) Date 02-15-2009 23:47
I agree had a job since I was 10 (paper route) and I've worked ever since, if I wanted anything I was expected to pay for it myself
Parent - - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-16-2009 03:07
yup i agree and it was the same way with me her kids are spolied rotten get what they want when they want it without doing a thing dont even take out the trash and for the record i been working since i was 12
Parent - By tighand430 (***) Date 02-16-2009 03:53
Ahhh, spoiled kids. I had a girlfriend that was like that. Daddy was rich an she always got everything she wanted. When they grow up like that, there aint a whole helluva lot you can do when they get older. It seems like they expect to get their way an that they're entitled to whatever. They are usually the ones who end up learnin the really hard lessons when the parents aint there to hold their hand anymore or they get out into the real world of life. The girlfriend I had learned she couldn't always get her way a couple months ago when she told me it was her or the pipeline. I don't have to tell ya how that ended up.
Parent - - By Cactusthewelder (*****) Date 02-16-2009 00:05
Shad You've met my wife. I never thought I would find someone I get along with like we do. I beleive it would be that way kids or not. But ,as you know, My wife and I do everything together. Hold out till you find one that supports you AND what you do. It takes a different breed of woman to put up with us to begin with much less Life as a Roadwhore. Been there Done that. But I think I have it prety good now. I think my wife would be the first to tell ANY woman that didnt support their other half, to either Get with the program or Bump it on down the road. You know her, What do you think she would say ?
Parent - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-16-2009 03:09
I think you put it alot nicer than how she would say it but yeah you and her are right it takes a different breed
Parent - - By OBrien (***) Date 02-16-2009 01:05
My folks to this day have it stated that there house there rules.  No matter what I said growing up lol.  It made me alot better when I thought I was bigger than my old man and stepped upto him and he set me in my place.  I don't advocate vilonce but I after that I hated him for a while and after a while I realized why he did what he did and to this day I respect him for that more than I can put into words.  I have had a full time job since I was 13 and I have complete confindense in my work ethic. 

He will have resentment towards you where you not his "real" father.  I don't know who my real father is and never met him. My grandparents brought me up and untill I got out on my own I never realized that my grandfather didn't have to help make me to be my real father.  If you do the right thing it will seem wrong for now but down the road it will be the best all ways around.
Parent - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-16-2009 03:15
it's hard to do right when mommy stands up for him every step of the way i get the lil girl to understand and mind but not the boy he's 15 and has made the step i always give him first shot but he has yet to take it. i like you was bigger well taller than my dad but never stepped up to the plate call it what ya want but i knew what wqs comming if i made the step and well he was my dad and i never made that step i lost him when i was 16
Parent - - By dion_pepperg (*) Date 02-16-2009 03:02
SHAD how old is your stepson
Parent - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-16-2009 03:20
15 thinks he knows it all and he dont have enuff common sense to pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel
Parent - - By uphill (***) Date 02-16-2009 03:10
I got in a similar position about 25 years ago. The two kids 8 and 10 memorized the whole "your not my dad speach" and never let a day go by without using it somehow. Their real dad was doped, drunk and close by. I bought them new bicycles and when I got home later that week they had cut them up with hacksaws (who ya think they got the hacksaw from?) It went downhill from there. Not much of a comparison after all you have been through but I was lucky enough to find a women that loves and tolerates me , been married for over 18 years and she hasnt shown any signs of changing. We dont have any kids, I think maybe my early single days took care of that.

Life is short as you well know. Being talked down to and kicked while flat on your back ought to guide you. After all if your dog always bites you.....
 
Pack it in before your on Springer. You cant get another chance to be happy if you dont go for it.

  Dave
Parent - - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-16-2009 03:23
yeah i think you're right it dont matter what i do all they want is more except for the girl she's like me happy with whatever
Parent - - By Lawrence (*****) Date 02-16-2009 05:41
Order it... Or check it out from the library.
http://www.amazon.com/Back-Control-Gregory-Bodenhamer/dp/067176165X

It's thin... Plain talk, and old fashioned.   No touchy feely... No Kowtowing to feelings until respect and obedience is established.     

Trust me on this Shad.

If you read it and get your wife to read it  (read it together?)  Only with teamwork will the out of control teen be trained.......  I know you want the best for the rascal, no matter how upset you are now.  

You redeemed the whole family when you took on your wife right?    Don't give up just yet.
Parent - By raftergwelding (*****) Date 02-16-2009 21:39
i'll check the local libraryto see if they have it i doubt my wife would read it she seems to think she is in control lol
Up Topic Chit-Chat & Non-Welding Discussion / Off-Topic Bar and Grill / Advice on married with step kids

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