Thanks for that Tacker. ROTFLMFAO 4 sure.

jrw159

Sweet!  Laughter is the best medicine, except for maybe some Vicodin.  LOL

Two Texans are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge
        hole in the ground.
They approach it and are amazed by the size of it.

The first hunter says "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."

The second hunter says" I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and
        see how long it takes to hit bottom."

The first hunter says "There's this old automobile transmission here, give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see".

So they pick it up and carry it over, and count one, and two and three, and throw it in the hole.

They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them.

As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole and with no
        hesitation, and jumped in head first.

While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole and trying
        to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up.

"Say there",says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around
        here anywhere, did you?"

The first hunter says " Funny you should ask, but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!"

The old farmer said "Why that's impossible, I had him chained to an old transmission!"

Funny stuff! Its good to have a laugh in the morning, thanks for posting!

LOL :)

New Truck

I bought a new GMC Sierra and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. 'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, some Mexicans ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, '@$$ Holes!'
Immediately the Iranian National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy On Scotch.

Darn, I LOVE this truck!

not realy a joke but interesting
People’s power:

•Liberals believe they’re advancing people’s power — yet they don’t believe people can do anything right without their guidance.
•People can’t do anything right — yet the government bureaucracy can do everything.
•The government bureaucracy can do everything — yet liberals don’t like it when the government takes control of their lives.
•Liberals don’t like it when the government takes control of their lives — yet they vote for programs that increase people’s dependency on the government.
•They vote for programs that increase people’s dependency on the government — yet they believe they’re advancing people’s power.
Bush and the media:

•The media said Bush was dumb — yet he won over two intelligent Democrats.
•He won over two intelligent Democrats — yet the media said his ratings were hopeless.
•The media said his ratings were hopeless — yet the 2004 electoral map was red.
•The 2004 electoral map was red — yet the media said his policies failed.
•The media said his policies failed — yet the economy grew and the war was won.
•The economy grew and the war was won — yet the media said we needed “change.”
Public education:

•Liberals have been in charge of education for 50 years — yet education is out of control.
•Education is out of control — yet liberal teaching methods prevail.
•Liberal teaching methods prevail — yet public schools are failing.
•Public schools are failing — yet their funding keeps growing.
•Their funding keeps growing — yet public schools are always underfunded.
•Public schools are always underfunded — yet private schools yield better results for less.
•Private schools yield better results for less — yet public education is the only way out of the crisis.
Foreign radicals*:

•Foreign radicals hate America — yet they’re all wearing American blue jeans.

•They’re all wearing American blue jeans — yet they disdain American culture.

•They disdain American culture — yet they play American music, movies, and video games.
•They play American music, movies, and video games — yet they call Americans uncivilized.
•They call Americans uncivilized — yet they expect Americans to defend their civilization.
•They expect Americans to defend their civilization — yet they think American capitalism is outdated.
•They think American capitalism is outdated — yet most of their countries require American handouts.
Liberals and taxes:

•Liberals want to help the poor — yet they won’t give money to charities.
•They won’t give money to charities — yet they’d like the government to become a gigantic charity.
•They’d like the government to become a gigantic charity — yet the money has to be taken from people by force.
•The money has to be taken from people by force — yet they call it welfare.
•They call it welfare — yet higher taxes make everyone poorer.
•Higher taxes make everyone poorer — yet liberals find ways not to pay taxes.

•Liberals find ways not to pay taxes — yet they get to be chosen to run the government.
Liberals and the CIA:

•The CIA is a reactionary institution — yet its agents always leak information that helps liberals politically.
•CIA agents always leak information that helps liberals politically — yet liberals say the CIA is clueless.
•Liberals say the CIA is clueless — yet in their movies the CIA is running the world.
•In their movies the CIA is running the world — yet they tell us that better intelligence could have prevented the war.
•Better intelligence could have prevented the war — yet “enhanced interrogations” of captured terrorists must not be allowed.
Love and marriage:

•Sex differences are the result of social conditioning — yet homosexuality is biological.
•Homosexuality is biological — yet everybody is encouraged to experiment with it.
•Everybody is encouraged to experiment with it — yet venereal diseases are treated at the taxpayers’ expense.
•Venereal diseases are treated at the taxpayers’ expense — yet taxpayers have no right to impose standards since there are no moral absolutes.
•There are no moral absolutes — yet gay marriage is an absolute must.
•Gay marriage is an absolute must — yet family is an antiquated tool of bourgeois oppression.

Liottle Johny
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today."
Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."


Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."


Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.


Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."


Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.


Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."


Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these *****es would keep their mouths shut!"


The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"
Johnny: " TIGER WOODS . CAN I GO NOW?

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Cooter, Ronnie and Donnie.  As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, 'Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife.

Donnie says, 'OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it.' Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.

Ronnie says, 'Where did you get that beer, Donnie?'
'Cooter's wife gave it to me,' Ronnie replies.
'That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?' 'Well, not exactly', Donnie says. 'When she answered the door,  I said to her, "you must be Cooter's widow."
She said, 'You must be mistaken.  I'm not a widow.' Then I said, 'I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are.'

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Mom replies, 'No,
because she is in heat.'

'What's that mean?' asked the child.

'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'

The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for
a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat,
and to come to you.'

Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.' He took a rag, soaked it with
gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent,
and said 'OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go
one time round the block.'

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the
leash. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'

The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block,
so another dog is pushing her home.'

California love story!

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.
After having great sex ... She spent the next
hour just rubbing his testicles ...
Something she just loved to do.
As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
"Why do you love doing that?"
Because ... She Replied ...
"I Really Miss Mine"

BEWARE OF  THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!!

One  evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his  wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim  Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your  butt!'   His  wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let  such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband  took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is  this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared  when he shook them out.   He  hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in  my underwear?'
She replied with a snicker, 

“It's  not talcum  powder,  it's 'Miracle Grow!!!’”