Not logged inAmerican Welding Society Forum
Forum AWS Website Help Search Login
Up Topic Chit-Chat & Non-Welding Discussion / Off-Topic Bar and Grill / Do you know the front, from the back, of a tree?
- - By jwright650 (*****) Date 08-04-2010 15:57
Disclaimer: This came in an email with all CAPS...and I'm not retyping it...LOL

Subject: Do you know the front from the back of a tree?

A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE SOUTH TO VIRGINIA
TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY.

WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN , HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH THAT HE DECIDES
TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!!!! HE WALKS INTO THE
INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN
EXPERIENCED LOG INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY
JUST HAPPEN TO BE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN
TAKES HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP TRUCK TO
SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.

THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND POINTS AT A TREE
"SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS
AND HOW MANY BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS."

THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, "THAT THAR'S A WHITEPINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF
LUMBER IN 'ER."

THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED!!! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION AND STOPS
ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT
ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS THE SAME QUESTION.
THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A DIFFERENT CLASS.

"THAT'S A LOBLOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT
ABOUT 456 CLEAR BOARD FEET."

THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY, HE HAS BEEN QUICK
AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT USING A CALCULATOR!!!!

ONE MORE TEST... THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD, AND THE
FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS THROUGH HIS
DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS, "AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?"

BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS, "WHITE OAK,
242 BOARD FEET AT BEST."

THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO THE OFFICE HE'S A
LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE
IS. AS THEY
NEAR THE OFFICE, THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP
OUTSIDE.HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, "SEE THAT TREE
OVER THERE?" "I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!!"

THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, "IDIOT, HOW WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE
FRONT OF THE TREE?"

WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE WHILE
LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES A WHITE X ON THE
TRUNK.

HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK. "THAT THAR'S THE
FRONT," THE REDNECK SAYS.

THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY, "HOW IN THE HELL DO
YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?"

THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT

CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES, "CUZ SOMEBODY
TOOK A $H!T BEHIND IT!"

HE GOT THE JOB.
Parent - - By Mikeqc1 (****) Date 08-05-2010 01:42
did you know that you split wood from one direction
Parent - By RonG (****) Date 08-16-2010 16:26
at a time?
Parent - - By waccobird (****) Date 08-16-2010 17:05
Mikeqc1
I have to ask which direction is that, with the grain?
Marshall
Parent - - By Mikeqc1 (****) Date 08-17-2010 19:18
ya with the grain, but it was refering to top down.......ask any one who splits wood theyll tell ya there is the right direction and the wrong direction.
Parent - By jwright650 (*****) Date 08-17-2010 20:12
Oh you can split it against the grain, but it is quite a chore....LOL, much, much easier to go with the grain than against it.
Parent - - By waccobird (****) Date 08-17-2010 21:15
Mikeqc1
I just always did it that way for a bigger base end, generally speaking. I had heard it didn't matter.
Marshall
Parent - - By jwright650 (*****) Date 08-18-2010 11:07
Actually if you knew what end of the piece was the top or the bottom as it stood as a tree, you can turn it bottom end up and it splits much easier, even moreso if there were limbs or knots in the piece. my two cents (I got lots of practice and experience as a kid growing up in a house that was heated primarily by a wood stove)
Parent - By Mikeqc1 (****) Date 08-18-2010 19:10
bingo
Parent - By Mikeqc1 (****) Date 08-20-2010 15:16
i split wood for 28 years and i found it does Any way.....................
Parent - - By RonG (****) Date 08-18-2010 16:38
From the Top down. Ok, so what are saying or not saying here? Did I missed something?

You say "ask any one who splits wood" so I ask my self because when I was living with my Grand parents back in the Hollers of NC I didn’t eat (cooked food) with out splitting fire wood. There was no gas or electricity there.

Most of the blocks of wood we would cut with an old cross cut saw and then split from the side with a double bladed axe. It never fail that if I stood one on end the axe would get wedged in pretty darn good and then I had to work like the dickens to get it out. We also had post axes and Flails but I preferred my double bladed axe, it’s a lot lighter.

I am sure I must have tried from both ends at some time but don’t recall much difference so I am not sure what your point is if you are in deed talking about splitting fire wood.

By the way, splitting across the grain? That’s called cutting--- “cross cutting”.
Parent - - By jwright650 (*****) Date 08-18-2010 16:51
cross-cut saw ...LOL...yup, my Dad didn't believe in power saws. He said those things can get you hurt, so we cut it down with the axe(double edge) after it hit the ground we limbed it, topped it and the used the cross-cut saw to cut it into truck lengths, hauled it to the house and then cut it to stove length(and yup, I got jerked back and forth yet again on the end of a cross-cut saw). Busted it with a sledge hammer and wedges...trust me it took several wedges if the piece was knotty, no sticking an axe in those. An axe would work you to death splitting wood. We got a Go-Devil(splitting maul) after a while and that made splitting wood a bit easier.
Parent - - By TimGary (****) Date 08-18-2010 19:51
Wow... and I thought I had it rough...
At least I got to use a chain saw...
When I turned 14, I my Dad gave me a "Monster Maul" for Christmas. Said it would make my splitting job easier.
This maul had a steel handle welded to a 15 pound triangular shaped head.
I never did wear that thing out, but it sure wore me out, every time.
Now I use a regular 8 lb maul and wedges when I need them.
I've been teaching my son how to split wood the past couple winters. The way he acts you'd think I was committing child abuse.
Things just aren't like they used to be...
Parent - - By jwright650 (*****) Date 08-18-2010 20:06
LOL...my Dad was never one to run from hard work. I can hear him now talking about how hard work builds your endurance or fortitude...LOL

I remember when he put drain tile around the footings of our house. He and I dug it all by hand with a shovel and mattock. Our house (26 x 52) had a full basement completely backfilled to the upstairs, so you can imagine the amount of dirt that was removed and replaced by hand.

I complained about all of that work as a kid, wondering why he wouldn't hire a back hoe or use a chain saw...but looking back I appreciate the fact that I know that I can do it by hand, if I have to, because he proved it to me. Tim your son needs a little of the hard work, even though he might think it is child abuse...LOL.
Parent - - By welderbrent (*****) Date 08-18-2010 23:10
You can't even buy a decent pick now days let alone a mattock.  Of course, here in AZ it doesn't matter what kind of handle you put on it, it falls apart in no time.

Monster Maul, except that the sun gets that steel handle so hot you can't pick it up even with gloves on they work great, for building muscles anyway.  I always felt like I could do a better, faster, easier job of spitting with a standard maul and wedge.  But on clear alder, you hardly touch it and it falls into 4 pieces.  A good axe works great then. 

Have a Great Day,  Brent
Parent - By Superflux (****) Date 08-18-2010 23:57
PTSD,

When I was 10, my Dad gave me and my brother a crosscut saw for Christmas! Told us it would teach us to work together and get along better...Yeah right! We lived in the Missouri Ozarks with hickory and maple for our choice of home heat. Best part of the story is...he enjoyed swinging his Kelly double bit axe for splitting, but would come down hard on us if we didn't get a flat, square cut!
He would wait till cold weather set in to split though cuz the wood is drier by then, and cold wood breaks better than hot wood.
I still have that Kelly and have fond memories of him swinging that thing with surgical precision.
Parent - By Duke (***) Date 08-20-2010 04:11
I'm a crosscut saw,
Baby, drag me across your log.
I cut your wood so easy for you,
You can't help but say, "Hot Dog!"
Parent - By Cumminsguy71 (*****) Date 08-14-2010 20:17
LMAO!!!
Up Topic Chit-Chat & Non-Welding Discussion / Off-Topic Bar and Grill / Do you know the front, from the back, of a tree?

Powered by mwForum 2.29.2 © 1999-2013 Markus Wichitill