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Up Topic Chit-Chat & Non-Welding Discussion / Off-Topic Bar and Grill / Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven
- - By Cumminsguy71 (*****) Date 04-27-2013 12:44
Got this in a email from my Uncle, had to share,

Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven.
He is at the Pearly Gates , met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed,
And Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, 'Well, Forrest,
It is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you.
I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast,
And we have been administering
An entrance examination for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to
Pass it before you can get into Heaven.'

Forrest responds, 'It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir.
But nobody ever told me about any entrance
Exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard.
Life was a big enough test As it was.'

St. Peter continued, 'Yes, I
Know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First:
What two days of the week
Begin with the letter T?

Second:
How many seconds are there in a year?

Third:
What is God's first name?'

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and
Says, 'Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,
Tell me your answers.'

Forrest replied, "Well the First one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow.'

The Saint's eyes opened wide and
He exclaimed, 'Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do
Have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit
For that answer. How about the next one?' asked St. Peter.

'How many seconds in a year ?
Now that one is harder,' replied Forrest, 'but I thunk and thunk about
That, and I guess the only answer can be twelve.'

Astounded, St. Peter said, 'Twelve?
Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds In a year?'

Forrest replied, 'Shucks, there's
Got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... '

'Hold it,' interrupts St. Peter.
'I see where you are going with this, and I see your point,
Though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give
You credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question.
Can you tell me God's first name'?

'Sure,' Forrest replied,
'it's Andy.'

'Andy?' exclaimed an exasperated
And frustrated St Peter .

'Ok, I can understand how you
Came up with your answers to my first two questions,
But just how in the
World did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?'

'Shucks, that was the easiest
One of all,' Forrest replied. 'I learnt it from the song,

ANDY WALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TALKS WITH ME,
ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN.'

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,
And said: 'Run, Forrest, run.'

Lord, Give me a sense of humor
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folks !
Parent - - By unclematt (***) Date 04-28-2013 01:43
That was awesome. Thanks for posting.

Have a good one;
Matt
Parent - By 803056 (*****) Date 04-28-2013 14:28
I liked it!

Al
Parent - - By Sourdough (****) Date 05-04-2013 03:50
I didn't read it all, because almost nobody will. Just thought I would let you know that in case you didn't gather it...
Parent - - By Cumminsguy71 (*****) Date 05-04-2013 22:00
Not a concern of mine, read it if you can or don't read it, won't affect how I sleep at night. Don't really understand why I needed to be informed of this however. Guess I'll go in the corner and cry now since nobody is going to read this joke....I'm so sad.....
Parent - By Tommyjoking (****) Date 05-05-2013 03:10
I liked it:cool:
Parent - - By ozniek (***) Date 05-05-2013 06:36
Hi

Everyone reads what they are interested in. I like a good joke, so certainly read it. Only took a couple of minutes.

So, you can come out of the corner now and stop crying. Get rid of the sad face and put on the happy face. - There's a good lad!

I on the other hand have a lot to cry about. My son's soccer team gets creamed every weekend. How sad is that! - Where is that sad corner?

Regards
Niekie
Parent - By Cumminsguy71 (*****) Date 05-05-2013 12:20 Edited 05-05-2013 12:26
Sounds like your kids soccer team and my kids basketball team should get together!!

For our readers that are ADD,

A horse walks into a bar then makes his way over to the bar and stops,

Bar tender walks over and says, "Hey buddy, why the long face". :lol::lol:
Parent - - By Sourdough (****) Date 05-06-2013 19:08
Because I'm a prick. And, I have no doubt that the next post I have on the for sale section...you will have something near brilliant to say about it, thus turning my ability to advertise into a parade.
Parent - By Cumminsguy71 (*****) Date 05-07-2013 02:07 Edited 05-07-2013 16:13
Uhhh, ok, your kind of a weirdo aren't you.

Edit: P.S. Hey Oscar, Big Bird called, said they miss you over on Sesame Street and the Garbage can has not been the same since you left.
Parent - - By Tommyjoking (****) Date 05-09-2013 00:37
are you saying my nekked pictures offer was not near brilliant......you know your stepping on my inferiority complex.....not that you would care...after all who would care about me....just some old wore down rod burner....trying to get along in the last years of his miserable life....running his tired old 22 year old truck and dinosaur welder up and down the road.....getting denied at the test stand because of lack of self esteem....of course you young bucks have it all figured out and have bypassed my millennium of experience in the field to leave me by the side of the ROW to rot in my own excrement.....I tried my best but yet get no mention...I am just sad that way...a halfhearted cry from the wilderness for rescue only to be given more waiting as the rescue crew tramps by 30 ft from my position....all for naught it was....my twisted since of HUMOR not even raising an eyebrow from you....of course not.....that is just how meager and miserable I am expecting anything less.  I cannot even sympathize with myself as I do not deserve it.......
Parent - By Cumminsguy71 (*****) Date 05-09-2013 12:25
Haha! Darn Tommy! You should hang up the stinger and hood and become a writer! :lol:
Parent - - By Sourdough (****) Date 05-09-2013 14:33
Tommy.....heh heh, I forgot what I was gonna say.

Hey cummins....what can I say?
Parent - By Cumminsguy71 (*****) Date 05-09-2013 23:34
It's all good Sourdough, seems like we're both a-holes! :lol::lol:
Parent - By Cactusthewelder (*****) Date 05-05-2013 19:23
Good One !!
Up Topic Chit-Chat & Non-Welding Discussion / Off-Topic Bar and Grill / Forrest Gump Goes To Heaven

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