'New toilet paper' promises 'feces free hands'

By ssbn727 (*****)

Date 09-24-2014 23:14

'New toilet paper' promises 'feces free hands'

"Michael Findlay's Kickstarter page for "new toilet paper" says the product will conserve paper and guarantee "feces free hands" for users.
By Ben Hooper | Sept. 24, 2014 at 9:37 AM |

NEW YORK, Sept. 24 (UPI) -- A New York man's Kickstarter page is raising funds for a "new toilet paper" he says uses "pocket cleaning power" to guarantee "feces free hands."

Michael Findlay's page on the crowd-funding site says using "extra layers of toilet paper to avoid touching any fecal matter" is "a waste of paper and can cause toilet backups," but the pocketed design of his "new toilet paper" will let users "participate in the green movement" while guaranteeing "feces free hands."

"New Toilet Paper is a unique product that will meet the needs of customers worldwide in health safety," the Kickstarter page reads.

The page had raised just $3 of its $121,000 goal Wednesday, 19 days from the end of the campaign."

I guess this fella is Sh!t out of luck! :eek:

Respectfully for the most part,
Henry

New-toilet-paper-promises-feces-free-han.jpg (2k)

By SCOTTN

Date 09-26-2014 15:12

That reminds me of the time my dad took me for a drive through the country. There was nothing but woods for miles. I eventually had to use the bathroom, so I asked him to pull over so that I could run into the woods and do my business. Since we didn’t have any toilet paper, he told me to just use a dollar. When he finally pulled over, I ran into the woods. A few minutes later I came out trying to shake the crap off of my hand. “I thought I told you to use a dollar” He said. “I did” I replied, “I used four quarters.” The thing is, you know, any time you drop something, your reflexes kick in and you automatically snatch at it, catching it before it hits the ground, and leaving you feeling like a ninja. It was during that time in the woods that I discovered that the ninja feeling was a little less euphoric because I'd accidentally did that with the quarters that I’d just tried to wipe with.

By mcostello (**)

Date 09-27-2014 01:58

Worked with a guy who went up into some mountains for deer hunting, supposed really remote. First day nature called, He answered while setting on a log with His coveralls down. Pulled the coveralls up THEN found out that they were on the wrong side of the log, and He was wearing s----y coveralls. Had to take a bath in a mountain stream with ice on the sides.

Next day nature calls again,same circumstances, goes to get up off the log, and fell backwards into guess what? Another fresh mountain stream bath. :eek:

By SCOTTN

Date 09-29-2014 19:04

I think deer hunting would be more of a sport if the deer had calendars. Same thing with rabbits. I went rabbit hunting the other day and on my first attempt, I shot a rabbit right between the eyes. It would have been more of a sport if my neighbor hadn’t kept him in a pen, but I still think that my dad would have been proud of me. He was really keen on all the outdoor sports, like hunting and fishing, and I'll always remember the last words he said to me before he died. “Boy, be careful where you point that gun.”