The thing about being humble is that some people measure themselves with external accomplishments like wealth, social status, even vanity; and others use internal ones; such as honesty, sincerity, simplicity, humility and generosity. As for myself, I use a ruler with the first four inches cut off.
All the talk about philosophy reminded me about my high school philosophy teacher, who asked our class, “Who here thinks they know what the meaning of life is?” I replied, “Well, it’s the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.” Then she moved me to biology class. The thing about philosophy that stands out the most to me is that for thousands of years, rather than philosophers sitting around discussing the meaning of life, maybe they should have been in deep thought about not having a real job. Just the other night I was at the bar and into a really deep conversation about life and death. After several hours we reached the conclusion that one is good and the other one is bad, though, I can’t for the life of me remember which is which. All I know is that if my life were an aircraft flight, they’d still be searching for the black box. If you ask me, life is a carwash; and I'm on a bicycle. I remember some very sound advice that my father once gave me. He said “If you keep running away from the things you're bad at, you'll never be good at anything.” ...except running. Since then, I've discovered the secret of life…. Breathing. Especially when you’re running. I was running one day and a man bumped into me. He didn’t even say excuse me, so I stopped, turned, and said “Excuse me.” Then he asked “Why can't we all just get along?” I pointed out that his question was rhetorical, and then he punched me in the face, repeatedly. On top of that, my girlfriend just left me because of all the philosophical theories I believe. Like I care. She doesn't exist anyway. I don’t know about any of you, but I’m very sentimental, and any time that I split up from a woman, I'll always have my memories. And by memories I mean lots of naked photographs of them. That being said, one of the meanings of modern philosophy is “the free of sin are those that give their phone to their partner without erasing anything”. You know, someone once said “A woman is like a good pair of underpants, supporting you and giving you freedom in equal measure.” I'd have to say that a woman is more like a pair of Speedos. Always clinging to you and embarrassing you in public. The one thing that we all need to remember is that when a woman says “WHAT?” it doesn't mean that she didn’t hear you. It means that she's giving you a chance to correct yourself, and it’s always important to do so within the five second grace period. That “WHAT?” question has always struck a nerve with me. Kind of like when people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working. I just want to stab them with my pen and then ask them if their hurting hard or hardly hurting.