I’m confused. Is it ISIL or is it ISIS? I don’t know much about either one, but every member of this great forum knows that the first rule of trying to take over the world is to pick a name and stick to it. In their defense, there are actually some pretty impressive benefits of joining ISIS. For example, you get a new identity, intense religious indoctrination, and a virgin bride to marry. No, wait. That’s Scientology. Sorry. It seems like every time I try to tell an ISIS joke, I bomb. But let’s not forget that the members of ISIS are just like we are, only completely different. I remember the one story about two of them talking to each other about their families. For those of us who have children, this is going to really hit home. As they were proudly showing each other pictures of their sons, one tearfully says to the other, “They blow up so fast.” Then there was another story about a female pilot. Even though she was a member of ISIS, she was still somebody’s daughter. To make a long story short, during an air strike, she rear ended the plane in front of her while she was putting on her makeup. Anyway, I’ve let all this recent publicity really get to me. I was so depressed last night I got on the phone and dialed a personal crisis hotline. I told them that I was suicidal. It actually turned out to be a call center in Pakistan. They got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck. Though, with all that’s been going on lately, I’ve been thinking about a way to profit from this ISIS thing. I think that a good business would be to make land mines look like prayer mats. I bet prophets would go through the roof.