Military Joke

By aevald

Date 02-20-2015 04:34

That's great Shawn, thanks for sharing. Thank you for YOUR service and best regards, Allan

By ssbn727 (*****)

Date 02-20-2015 10:31

SEMPER FI!!!

By SCOTTN

Date 02-20-2015 13:12

I’m confused. Is it ISIL or is it ISIS? I don’t know much about either one, but every member of this great forum knows that the first rule of trying to take over the world is to pick a name and stick to it. In their defense, there are actually some pretty impressive benefits of joining ISIS. For example, you get a new identity, intense religious indoctrination, and a virgin bride to marry. No, wait. That’s Scientology. Sorry. It seems like every time I try to tell an ISIS joke, I bomb. But let’s not forget that the members of ISIS are just like we are, only completely different. I remember the one story about two of them talking to each other about their families. For those of us who have children, this is going to really hit home. As they were proudly showing each other pictures of their sons, one tearfully says to the other, “They blow up so fast.” Then there was another story about a female pilot. Even though she was a member of ISIS, she was still somebody’s daughter. To make a long story short, during an air strike, she rear ended the plane in front of her while she was putting on her makeup. Anyway, I’ve let all this recent publicity really get to me. I was so depressed last night I got on the phone and dialed a personal crisis hotline. I told them that I was suicidal. It actually turned out to be a call center in Pakistan. They got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck. Though, with all that’s been going on lately, I’ve been thinking about a way to profit from this ISIS thing. I think that a good business would be to make land mines look like prayer mats. I bet prophets would go through the roof.

By Smooth Operator (***)

Date 02-21-2015 01:23

Good one there Shawn........ Knowing the "Armed Forces" ( Marines, Seals, Army, Etc) have men of your caliber in their ranks, helps me sleep at night knowing somebody is on watch/ minding the store...... Thanks for your service Sir!!!!!!!! :cool:

By 803056

Date 02-21-2015 03:20

If they aren't killed by bullets, They will die laughing. Good work Scott.

Al

By Cumminsguy71 (*****)

Date 02-21-2015 22:19

Thanks Smooth and Allan, didn't do much during my time, just signed the dotted line :grin:

By 803056

Date 02-21-2015 03:18

Excellent!!

Al

By SCOTTN

Date 02-21-2015 18:56

The thing about being killed by bullets is that these Islamic fundamentalists will keep fighting because they think that dying in battle for their God is the greatest honor, but they also think that they'll go to straight to hell if they have pork in their stomach. What I don’t understand is why hasn’t our military capitalized on this fear? All we have to do is make some bullets out of pork and shoot them in the stomach.

By Cumminsguy71 (*****)

Date 02-21-2015 22:18

Or just pour pork fat all over everything before it gets stuck in a magazine or a howitzer, tank.....B52's dropping some old pig parts, pig blood( sort of like "Carrie").

Do a big media blitz, showing the military men and woman actually doing this in that area and broadcast it everywhere. I guess some soft hearted pansies here in the states....or should I say bleeding hearts would say that this was evil in some way. Me, I say, capitalize on their weakness, exploit it. You know when these a-holes pray, 5-6 times a day or something, set the B52's to drop right on schedule, or better yet, refueling tankers, fire fighting planes and helo's to come in low. I'm sure we have enough pig by products over here. :-)

By 803056

Date 02-22-2015 03:10

They did exactly that during the insurrections in the Philippines after the Spanish American War. The Muslims bandits tried to stir things up and I believe it was Pershing that did exactly what you suggested.

Al

By mcostello (**)

Date 02-23-2015 02:44

We need Pershing again!

By 803056

Date 02-23-2015 03:22

The politicians would snip his nuts just like they do with all our generals. I blame it on these damn cell phones, 24 hour news, and all forms of instant communications.

Al

By 357max

Date 02-24-2015 16:56

A point to ponder ~ RPM = Religion, Politics (ie Government) & Military. Islam is all three rolled into one. There is no separation of any of the three. ISIS is a state (government) sponsored (which one???) political, military religion to force non-muslims to become muslim and muslims to stay muslim. BTW FYI to become a muslim one only has to confess Allah as god and Muhammed is his prophet to credible witnesses. Then "extra" points are earned for pork free diet and making a pilgrimage once.

Second point ~ US President Barak Hussein Obama was reared by Muslim (his father and presumably his mother converted) Parents and was educated in Indonesia at their prestigious Muslim school. Question, are his classmates leading the ISIS???

ISIS = Islamic State of Iraq & al-Sham
ISIL = Islamic State of Iraq & the Levant (Mediterranean areas which includes (Israel ~ which will not exist if ISIL succeeds))

By SCOTTN

Date 02-24-2015 18:10

Saddam Hussein - Hanged for crimes against his people.

Barack Obama - Getting paid for crimes against his people.

Some of his comments.....

“The future must not belong to those who slander the Prophet of Islam”

“The sweetest sound I know is the Muslim call to prayer”

“We will convey our deep appreciation for the Islamic faith, which has done so much over the centuries to shape the world — including in my own country.”

"As a student of history, I also know civilization’s debt to Islam.”

“Islam has a proud tradition of tolerance.”

"Islam has always been part of America”

“We will encourage more Americans to study in Muslim communities”

“These rituals remind us of the principles that we hold in common, and Islam’s role in advancing justice, progress, tolerance, and the dignity of all human beings.”

“America and Islam are not exclusive and need not be in competition. Instead, they overlap, and share common principles of justice and progress, tolerance and the dignity of all human beings.”

“I made clear that America is not – and never will be – at war with Islam.”

By ctacker (****)

Date 02-25-2015 03:18

Look at his book.

By SCOTTN

Date 03-03-2015 15:56

I’ve heard that the book he’s holding is a Muslim's view of a defeated America. It’s the first of a trilogy. The other two are "Easy DIY" by Mahroof Isfukd, "Inbreeding" by Ishag Masistah. Some books make absolutely no sense at all. For example, why is Alice in wonderland when she should be in the kitchen? Then there’s “Spot the Obvious Mistake” which is without a doubt the cruelest book in the Spot the Dog series. Some consider Romeo and Juliet a story of true love and very romantic. It sure is, if you consider two underage kids in a relationship that lasted three days causing two suicides and three murders romantic. After reading the story, my wife asked me to be the Romeo to her Juliet, so I plan to put her in an artificial coma and then kill myself. I remember one night when we were lying in bed. I noticed her reading a book called “What 20 Million American Women Want”. I snatched the book out of her hands and started thumbing through the pages. She commented on how much it impressed her to see that I was actually interested in what she wanted, but I just wanted to make sure they spelled my name right.