SCOTTN for President!

By 803056

Date 04-16-2015 12:44

I'll support that nomination.

Al

By Northweldor (***)

Date 04-16-2015 18:45

Me too! I really enjoy both kinds of posts.

By SCOTTN

Date 04-16-2015 19:46

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Bradley, Al, and Ron, I gladly accept your nomination. In case you haven't heard, I’m not a Republican or a Democrat. I’m a Hypocrite. I don’t know who my opponent will be, but I have a word of caution for this person.... I do know that my plans are more realistic and better laid out than your plans. Actually, I'll do you one better, and you can quote me on this…. My plans are your plans, only they were my plans first. I will criticize your platform because everything you plan to have listed on your list will be things that I will also have listed on my list. The only difference is that I will call them something entirely different on my list. Then, and only then can I truly say that your plans were actually my plans, and the only difference is that your plans were just put into different words and you presented them after I had already presented my plans. I think that this plan captures the true essence of the hypocrite, and you have my word that I will do everything in my power to uphold its integrity.

By kcd616

Date 04-16-2015 21:48

Scott,
get everyone who is aws
and flux knows everyone everywhere :wink:

to vote for you in Iowa
then we use Al Moore in new Hampshire
all off youtube
little cost and run the table
your charm and humor
a winner
motto is can not be worse :eek:

sincerely,
Kent

By PlasmaHead2 (***)

Date 04-17-2015 00:28

Got my vote :lol:

By ssbn727 (*****)

Date 04-17-2015 09:48

Mine too!

By 46.00

Date 04-17-2015 13:34

I'm British, so have to disagree! Too busy laughing to vote!

By SCOTTN

Date 04-17-2015 18:53

Thanks again for everyone's support. I’m not going to make any political jokes. The problem I have with political jokes is that they’ve already been elected, and the people who elected them are the reason that we have to put directions on a bottle of shampoo. And don’t worry. That fact will not initiate another one of those government studies when I'm in office. That’s the last thing we need. A recent government study has shown that most people believe that too much money and too much time are being wasted on pointless government studies. What’s next? A ten year government study of all its five year government studies? I can assure you things will change when I take office. For one thing, I’m going to reshuffle the cabinet because I’ll have enough space to put my underwear and my socks in separate drawers. Another thing is, I'm going to push for legislation for a discrimination bill that will make it easier for women to find employment in traditionally male dominated areas. For example, I think there should be more women judges. I realize that most husbands will probably not agree with my methodology, but my belief is that if we have more women judges, not only will 100% of the criminals be found guilty and immediately sentenced without a hearing, 100% of them would also have absolutely no clue of what they'd done wrong in the first place. Another thing I plan to do is that I will require all single mothers to name the father of their babies on the birth certificate. In some cases, that will be like picking out the one baked bean in the can that made them fart. And I’m going to also take a hard look at our education system. For example, I think that algebra is an absolute waste of time because it’s always asking us to find the “x”. Well guess what, algebra. She’s gone for good and she ain’t coming back! Let's face it. The three most common lies you will ever hear in your your life are (1) I love you. (2) We will be together forever. (3) You will use algebra in real life. Goldfish have a memory that only lasts for five seconds. If my laptop would have had that, I’d still be in a relationship. The other day I got an email from Match.com. For $25 they said that they would send me a picture of my perfect match. I had nothing to lose, so I authorized the bank draft. About 15 minutes later, I got the email. When I opened it, it was a picture of a bottle of hand lotion. Anyway, enough of my personal life. Back to business. In the past, when we declared war on drugs, more drugs came into our country. When we declared war on terrorists, the terrorists became more prevalent in our country. My plan is to declare war on jobs and money and see what happens. One last thing. Hilary Clinton may end up being my opponent, so please show her a little respect and stop calling her jet “Broomstick One”. And for anybody who is considering voting for her, consider this…. She can’t be trusted to create jobs. The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky, and Monica blew it.

By kcd616

Date 04-17-2015 20:51

Scott
your my man :grin:

sincerely,
Kent

By mcostello (**)

Date 04-18-2015 02:19

Broomstick 1. :grin:

By 46.00

Date 04-18-2015 02:24

You really need to run for President!

By MRWeldSoCal (***)

Date 04-27-2015 23:14

Ill vote for you! we need someone who can talk to the people!

By SCOTTN

Date 04-28-2015 13:33

I really appreciate all the support. Though, I think for now I’m going to have to put my presidential nomination on hold and address a very serious situation that’s going on in my life right now. I’ve never mentioned this before, but there's a big orange rabbit that’s been going around telling everybody that I've stopped taking my medication. I’d really like to strangle him to shut him up, but this jacket makes it impossible. They gave it to me because they found out that I was the mastermind behind a planned escape, along with a few others. We didn’t really go through with it, but it wasn’t from a lack of trying. After planning to beat up the guard and make our escape, we were surprised to find out that there was no one guarding the front gate at the institution. Needless to say, our plan failed, so we turned around and went back to our rooms. Still, I was honored that I was picked to be their leader. I guess they saw me as the thinker of the group. It’s been said that thinking too much can cause a person to go insane, so that might be part of my problem. I can’t help but wonder if this happens as a result of continuous overexertion of the inferior frontal gyrus or the posterior areas of the brain, leading to depleted neurotransmitter receptors and subsequent loss of function. That being said, I still think that living alone as I do, my biggest fear is that I will end up going crazy through my loneliness. The only thing that helps me maintain my slender grip on reality is the friendship I share with my collection of singing potatoes. I guess all of this finally caught up with me while I was in the supermarket last week. In an attempt to look important, which I felt would encourage a little interaction with other people, I stood in the middle of the supermarket and whispered repeatedly into a tape recorder as I panned the area through a pair of night vision goggles. Nobody stopped to talk to me and I actually started getting strange looks from people as they slowly approached me. At that point I had no choice other than to put my tape recorder away and pretend to be a tree until they left. I guess that was the last straw, so that’s why I’m here. When I get out and get back on track with my presidential bid, when elected, I will issue an executive order to psychiatric hospital staffs all over the country, warning them not to use derogatory terms when describing their patients. It's going to be political correctness gone mentally divergent. Thank you, and good night.

By IowaCWI (*)

Date 06-03-2015 01:17

Scott,

Regardless of what the big orange rabbit has to say, and the fact that you have collected singing potatoes :lol:

I still feel that you should go full ahead on your presidential campaign. It seems as though your sanity is still much more intact than our alternatives. Scott 2016!

By SCOTTN

Date 06-03-2015 20:08

Right now the orange rabbit is the least of my worries. I sent a video of him to “Animals Do the Funniest Things”. They sent it back with a note asking me to seek help. I’m having issues now with some of my other pets. There’s something wrong with my iguana. I think I might have a reptile dysfunction. On top of that, my pet hamster is always trying to escape from his cage. I think I have that problem under control now because the other day I hung a tiny picture of Rita Hayworth in his cage and he hasn’t stopped staring at it. Somebody said I should just give up and get a cat. The problem with cats are that they do what they want, when they want, they rarely listen to you, they're totally unpredictable, they whine when they’re not happy, when you want to play they want to be left alone, when you want to be alone, they want to play, they expect you to cater to their every whim, they're moody, and they leave their hair everywhere. No thanks. Cats are nothing more than small women in fur coats. I remember a girlfriend wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat. When I found out how expensive they were, I went to the animal shelter, adopted two normal cats and glued their heads together. That cat went completely insane when I told him he was adopted. I spelled it out with a laser pointer. Repeatedly. The cool thing about laser pointers is that you can do almost anything. Like guiding a two headed Siamese cat into a fireplace. My luck with dogs hasn’t been much better. They say a dog is a man's best friend. I don't even have enemies that would stare directly into my eyes while taking a dump on my carpet and then scoot their butt across the carpet to wipe. I had bought my wife a puppy for Christmas one year. Every time she tried to give me a kiss, she couldn’t because the puppy would try to bite me. It was easily the best $200 that I had ever spent. Other than that, I really didn’t like him. He eventually went missing and my wife was inconsolable. She had me put an ad in the newspaper to get him back, but after two weeks he was still missing. My wife asked me what I wrote in the paper. I guess “Here boy” was not one of my options. The thing about that dog was that he could have cared less about how much money I was spending just to feed him. His food was $3.00 per can. That’s $21.00 in dog money. Every time that Sarah McLachlan animal cruelty commercial came on TV I made him sit down and watch it just to show him how good he had it. I guess all in all, I do have feelings for dogs. The other day was an unusually hot day for this time of year. When I saw a Great Dane tied to a bike rack outside Walmart, it reminded me of that commercial and I immediately called the SPCA. What kind of sick person rides their dog to go shopping? It’s bad enough that they test cosmetics on animals. Even if my dog does look hot with lipstick on, it’s just wrong. My girlfriend called me a filthy pervert the other day. What amazed me was that Fluffy could talk.

By 46.00

Date 06-04-2015 02:49

Maybe you should start a little bit smaller. How about president of this AWS forum? Maybe you could redesign the layout in your own fancy?

By Tommyjoking (****)

Date 06-17-2015 23:54

I am down with it...even volunteer on campaign. There are stipulations to that with you Sworniss........

By SCOTTN

Date 06-18-2015 13:25

I appreciate the gesture, but before we go any further with this, there are three words that I need to stress about volunteering…. it doesn’t pay. I’ve volunteered for lots of worthwhile causes. Even though I enjoyed it tremendously, my volunteer work at a call center didn't last very long. My very first call was a woman who was extremely upset. She said that she'd lost her job, her house was being repossessed, and her husband ran off with her best friend. Evidently, “Ok ma’am. Please calm down. Let’s take this one step at a time…. What are you wearing?” was not an appropriate response to her situation. And volunteering can be extremely dangerous. I recently read an article in the local newspaper where a member a volunteer environmental clean-up crew fell out of a helicopter during a marijuana eradication effort. His last words relayed back to his family were “Weeeeeeeee, hell Yeeeaaahhhhhh.”