I realize that it’s a bit early for posting something to wish everyone here at the forum a Happy New Year, and actually, that’s going to be one of my 2014 new year’s resolutions…. to stop rushing into things and wait until the time is right. My first choice was that I’m not going to be so pessimistic about everything, but I didn’t think I could do it. Anyway, it’s still early, so I’ve made a few more in case I change my mind again……
1. Lose the fat belly.
2. Learn how to actually cook a decent meal.
3. Get much better in the sack.
4. At least make it look like an effort has been made on appearance.
5. Stop breaking down every time my better half has an affair.
No. Wait. That’s the list I made up for my wife.
Here’s mine:
6. Stop making lists.
3. Be more consistent.
C. Learn to count.
Seriously, my new year's resolution was going to be to have more sex and to drink more beer, but I'm married so they're both out of the question. Ironically, my wife has already told me in advance that her new year's resolution is going to be to provide me with more sex than ever. I just hope she had her fingers crossed behind her back when she was telling me. I remember a couple years ago we were on a cruise for new years when she suggested what my new year's resolution should be. She said, "Your new year's resolution should be to take advantage more of the opportunities you get in life." So I pushed her off the boat. Last year we stayed at home and celebrated in our back yard. The next door neighbors were having a party and one of them threw a fish over my garden fence. Luckily it landed in my garden pond. I still wonder if the turd I threw over their fence landed in their toilet.
LMBO 
