Great advice Lawrence.  I can easily turn my CV into a resume if I leave out all the crimes I’ve committed.  In addition to the CV and resume, I think a good cover letter is equally as important.  A good cover letter will enhance the CV and the resume, and it can impress hiring managers just as much, if not more.  A maximum effort needs to be applied in order to ensure that the cover letter stands out from the crowd.  I’ve developed a cover sheet that can be altered to suit any situation:

To who it might concern,

First off, I refer to the recent death of the _______________ at your company and hereby apply for his replacement, since he’s dead and all.  Each time that I have ever applied for a job, I always get a reply that says there’s no opening, but in this case I’ve caught you red handed and you have no excuse for not considering me.  I even attended the funeral to make sure he was truly dead before I applied for his job.  To confirm the death and subsequent opening, I’ve attached his obituary and death certificate to the CV (curriculum vertebrae).  Now get ready to get blown away by the awesomeness of _______________.
 
Dear _______________

I’m sorry that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have ever worked for has gone out of business.  Although I’m quite certain that you’ve heard of me and more than likely be amazed by some of my ubiquitous work, I feel obligated to inform you that I am the one and only ______________.  If you can't recall ever hearing of me, or you have suffered a recent traumatic head injury which may have erased your memory, please let me elaborate on who I am and allow me to inform you on how you might better serve my needs.  Although I’m kind of a big deal, I remain a very humble individual.  You can go ahead and do the math, because quite frankly, I’m way too busy doing important stuff and stuffs to contemplate the incredible awesomeness that I am, but more importantly, the incredible awesomeness that I can unveil to you.   I good English speak.  (Just kidding).  I speak English fluently and my thyping skillls aare unnnnmatched.  I’ve also had exposure to German for two years, but the words I’ve mainly learned are inappropriate for business and social intercourse.  My single objective in life is to have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.  I preform my job with effertless efficiensy, effektiveness, efficacy, an perfessional expertease, and you will always find me to be an extremely trying person.  I am very detale oriented and I especially enjoy dealing with customers' conflicts whenever they arouse.  I’m a quick leaner, I’m dependible, and I’m highly moetivatted.  I can take the utter chaos of your offis and reform it into a semblance of simple disorder.  I have effective managemint skills, I have an exellent memory, and I’m strong at math.  I have effective managemint skills, I have an exellent memory, and I’m strong math. There are three kinds of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can’t.  I consider myself to be one of these upper three.  I enjoy seeking challenges that continuously test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.  My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my abillity to compleat prodjects on time is unspeekable.  I have a lot of experience working as a corporate lesion.  If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.  Thank you for your concidderation.  I hope to hear from you shorty.

Your friend,
_______________