It’s not like that at all, but your question has re-opened a door from my past that I had hoped would remain closed forever, and that door is domestic violence.  Everybody knows that the definition of domestic violence is beating up your wife slightly more than what’s necessary, so obviously the trick is to know when to stop.  Actually, I don’t consider it to be wife beating, when it's really nothing more than constructive criticism.  Whoever said “nothing is impossible” has never tried to avoid beating my wife.  There was one occasion, and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I did get a bit carried away one morning.  I wasn’t paying attention, and while I was beating her, I burnt two pieces of toast.  They were too burnt to eat, so I had to start all over again… with the beating.  I realize that admitting I have a problem is the first step towards fixing it.  I’m man enough to admit to my problem, which is not only obvious to me, but it’s obvious to others as well.  Others can also see that I have a problem and they try to help me.  One day, a man saw me hitting my wife, and after a few tense seconds, he sympathized and he started hitting her too.  I’d even tried calling a wife beating hotline to see if they could help me, but evidently, “How do I hit her without leaving bruises?” is not the sort of question that they're trained to answer.  Before anybody gets the wrong idea about me, I do not beat my wife all the time.  The only one time I don't feel like beating her is when we’re playing strip poker.  Sometimes, though, she’s really asking for it.  One morning.  I told her that if my dinner isn't on the table when I get home from work she's in for the beating of her life.  Then I hid the table.  In hindsight, I don’t think that I’d been all that bad.  There were times that I actually stood up for my wife.  I remember one time my kid kicked my wife several times and I gave him a good beating for hurting her.  In hindsight, I probably should have waited for him to come out of her womb first, but hey, we all live and learn, right? It’s sad to say, but all the drama in our marriage eventually led me to the most powerful anti depressant available…. divorce.  I’d always heard that every divorce is traumatic, but mine was worse than most because it almost didn't go through.  I thought it would go through fairly easily.  We both wanted it.  She actually walked out on me, saying that she's leaving because apparently “We don't talk anymore.” Anyway, that's what my neighbor told me she said.  One of the last times we talked, she had the nerve to tell me that I need to grow up.  Needless to say, I was speechless.  It was not because I didn't have anything to say, it's just difficult to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth.  I have to be honest.  After my wife divorced me, I did fall into a never ending spiral of drunkenness, drugs and loose women.  It was funny how my life improved so much after she left.  From her perspective, she can't stop beating herself up about the fact that I got to keep the voodoo doll of her in the divorce settlement.