Excuse me, but as the argument has been made that trained monkeys could be taught the requisite skill set as welders I feel the neccesity to take issue. The small business endeavor I undertake to run profitably operates on slim margins and we are constantly seeking more efficient means to enlarge those margins. As labor is the highest cost of goods sold, at a certain point in our history we attempted to decrease this burden with cheaper labor. Why NOT monkeys we asked ourselves. The housing, upkeep, payrate and feeding should be minimal. Extensive testing was undertaken.
By chance our first set of candidates were a small clan of Spider monkeys acquired from a South East Asian Zoo from a purchasing agent willing to overlook certain standards of importation documentation. These fine animals seemed promising at first, with their pre-hensile abilities they were able to hang from nearly any point of purchase and weld soundly. Unfortunately hanging upside down was their preferred position of comfort, so while they could and did produce many xray quality weldments for us we found ulitmately the cost of positioning equipment too expensive and they had to be let go. I believe they have found more suitable employment somewhere in the southern states repairing waffle making machinery.
We next undertook the training of a pair of adult, male Howler monkeys, provided us through a freind from the Yucatan Penninsula that came already certified in no less than three welding processes. Superb craftsman. One couldn't fault their work based on the most stringent codes or standards. But the noise.......... my god the noise. Three different TPIs needed hospitalization and a long respite to the local State Facility for nervous conditions after only a week of inspection. We thought it cheaper to replace the inspectors but in the end the neighbors started complaining so our Howlers went home to their beloved jungle. We do miss them sorely.
We took a shot and found a promising Baboon. Or so we thought. Fancy hood, starched collar, spanking new rig, but really, who want's to put up with that Golden Arm Attitude. We cut him a pink slip pronto.
Not ones to give up, we moved on to the Apes.
Gorrilas seemed like they might strain our overhead but the applicants seemed enthusiastic so we thought, "why not". We do a fair amount of bending in our fabrication and these three fellows seemed right at home, strapping our heaviest members to be formed across their chests and gripping for leverage with their formidable triceps pulled 3" round stock into circles. Very aggresive work ethic. They competed with each other shamelessly for the largest iron and tightest bend radii but in the end they never could quite grasp the concept of tolerances so for them the bending was enough. Surprisingly good stick welders though. Nothing like the solidity of a large mass to provide a really steady hand. There was some discussion about who's responsibility it was to inform them their service would no longer be needed. I recall we drew straw. They were pretty good natured about.
The next and most obvious choice, which we slapped ourselves for not thinking of first was Chimpanzees. It seemed so obvious with their overwhelming shared genetics, should be a shoe in. Calls were made, contacts contacted, letters dispatched, funds exchanged hands and one fine crisp October morning our boys showed up, hoods and gloves in hand and doing somersaults on the asphalt, that's how ready they were. Into the test booth, 6" stick all the way out, 35 minutes later bending coupons without failure. Back into the booths, tig roots, lo-hy out and they're slapping their thighs with one hand and a toe hold on the filler wire with their foot and indicating it was time for lunch. This was our first red flag and we should have paid heed but we were beggining to be really excited at the possiblitites, so we pushed them into some alloy work. Some of the original enthusiasm seemed to cool but they began to prep coupons....... and then that was it. Prepped em, and just let em sit, looking around out of the corners of their simian eyes and just scowling. When we tried to communicate the urgency of finishing their testing so they could go to work they just rolled their lips and showed their teeth. Food was brought in. Baskets of fresh pineapple, yellow bananas, ripe mangoes but to no avail. Apparantly these chimps had worked some gigs that paid serious per diem or maybe just permits with 798 but they weren't having any of it. Conditions just degraded from there and we never bothered to put them on.
Finally, at wits end, an Orangatang answered our employment advertisement. He carried a calculator with him which we thought boded well and was extraordinarally humble in demeanor. Breezed through a barrage of testing with all coupon passing with flying colors. Put him to work on any station in the shop and there seemed nothing he hadn't brought a journeymans skill to. But......he was just so moribund. Depressing really. Does a fine job bending up a pallet of flanges on the brake, the compliments just seemed to fall on deaf ears. Weld out 90 inches of xray sched 40 in a shift and the praise garnered just seem to depress him. Morale was sinking with the other hands, not from jealousy but the new guy was just bringing people down with his glumness. Just reeked of sadness, tragedy and sorrow. We didn't want to cut him loose but one bad orange can ruin the barrel.
In the end we decided there was really only so much you could teach a monkey but we did at least make that decision through experience not assumption.
And while I'm off the subject, has anyone ever heard Sourdough do anything BUT complain?
Bit of a cheap shot I'll admit, but really bro have you ever reviewed your posts?
When we were young, we were all waiting for The Best Welder in The World to die so we could all move up a slot, but that was a long time ago. These days we take a little pride in being able to pass on a thing or two to the guys coming up that show a little promise. It's as much fun as I ever had in the trenches, and believe me, we had some big fun. And just like I always look for the gig that is going to demand the most from any talent I might possess I always look for the hand that's most ready to learn from anything I can show them. When you got the real goods you don't lose em by sharing em.
Happy Holidays to All.
that's just too funny! you should write .....,
There are a bazillion walks of life out there. Each and every one of us are different and has something to contribute.
It all depends on exactly what you are looking for at that time. Maybe rod burners are all you need.....
Spider, Howler, Gorrilas, Chimps and Orangs all can thrive in a specific time and place.
Finding a primate that is as flexible as Gumby, doesn't complain, sans ego, and good work ethics? Those are hard to find, but do you really need one?
Tyrone
I"m going to copy this and share it with friends.
Masterpiece !
I heard a deeper study of the Chimpanzees found while they had the skills and aptitude, they could not stand getting burned.
This post has gone from the insanity of certification to Gumby. I may be going out on a limb here, but I think you guys have drifted off topic. And as far as the AWS being all about money, I could attempt to explain why I personally think that the AWS is not all about money, but I ran out of crayons.
In some of the other responses, several references have been made to members of the ape family. I realize that monkeys can be trained to do a lot of different things, but is that really a true indication of our ability to teach them? To me, until someone is able to train 20 monkeys to run after 1 banana at the exact same time, 1:20, then I think it’s safe to say that we still have a ways to go. I realize that the real challenge in this would be seeing whether the monkeys could distinguish between 1:20 a.m. and 1:20 p.m., but that could easily be overcome by giving each of them a watch and teaching them how to tell time. That being said, I think that what would be equally as important, and to avoid any confusion, is making sure that the watches are placed on their right wrists. Otherwise it makes absolutely no sense.
One response referenced spider monkeys producing xray quality welds in the upside down position. C'mon, who are we kidding here? The upside down position is not even a prequalified position that is recognized by D1.1
And lastly, until I can find a girlfriend who is as flexible as Gumby, I’m not going to waste my time looking for a primate that is as flexible as Gumby. Though, I do realize they could end up being one in the same, but that would be my last resort.
Meanwhile, back on topic.
IT'S ALWAYS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY
Look into the paychecks of the folks who run "charitable" organizations such as the "Red Cross".
Sure we may enjoy our profession, but I know I would have never filled out an application had it only paid 10% over minimum wage.
Seriously how many of us would be doing it had we not heard the urban legends of those $100 and hour rates or $2000 a day "get'er done" gigs.
I try to "Pay it Forward" as much as possible by helping others with welding issues, pass the CWI exam or find work. I'll answer any question I can or spend time digging up the answer if it is not known to me. Research and knowledge is what makes me better in my job and gives me a sense of purpose in society.
This what keeps my sanity by having to deal with all the frustrations of ignorance, incompetence and corporate greed while attempting to eek out my meager living in this crazy industry.
I've always thought it would be cool to have an apprentice/indentured servant to train "in my own image" like as was in days of yore. Then on my deathbed, I'd have the comfort of knowing who would then be "The World's Best Welder"!
Would I be a welder if I didn't complain?
Yes. But, you probably couldn't claim to be part of the human race.
Have a Great Day, Brent