I'm not too far behind you Stringer, age wise and experience wise.
At various times in my life I have taken a step back and asked, 'What am I here for?', 'Is all of this hard work worth it?', 'Am I making a difference?' and many other questions.
Without getting preachy, at the end of the day I can honestly say, I completed this day with all my strength unto the Lord and any thanks I get here is of little importance to hearing 'Well done, good and faithful servant'.
The Lord put me here in this time and place, gave me a family to take care of, and responsibilities to represent Him in this world. I am doing my best to complete all the tasks He has given me to the best of my abilities and to Honor and Glorify Him.
Secondly is providing for and being an example for my family (Who I think have turned out pretty well even if they could use some help and improvement according to dad).
Next is all others observing me; fellow church members, family, friends, co-workers, and people I don't even know. I have been very blessed to have people come to me through the years, sometimes years after our paths had originally crossed, and tell me the impact my life had on theirs. What a joy. BUT, I don't do it to hear it. I do it, because it is right and what I need to do to be able to sleep the sweet sleep of those you have no regrets. Oh, I do have regrets. But not the kind that rob me of sleep.
Everyone should evaluate their life. Ask the hard questions. But we need to also be able to listen. Hear that still small voice saying 'Well done'. That's the one that matters. All the reputation, honor, money, of this world means nothing; as nice as it would be to get more of all of those things.
Sure, there are things I may be able to say I'd do different if I could do it over with all I know now. BUT, I have no regrets on how I did do it. I'm who I am and where I am by the grace and mercy of God who alone gives power to accomplish anything at all.
Be careful of the despair blues that often accompany milestone birthdays especially if your family practices all the 'black balloon birthday' items that bring deep soul searching. Know that we all have those moments. We all have impacted the lives of others. We are not failures just because we aren't Donald Trump, Bill Gates, etc.
I for one am thankful for you and your ability to wonder if you could have done better. Your input on this forum and desire to share with others. Your persistence in going to what appears to be a thankless job and doing your part for self, family, community, and country. And I don't even know you personally.
Small companies have the same issues. Many bosses there also forget to say, thank you. You did good. Here's a bonus, raise, etc.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14 Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong. Let all your things be done with charity.
We must look beyond self and the thanks we would like to get as hard as that can often be.
Just my two tin pennies worth. Hope I understood your post and didn't muddy the waters.
He Is In Control, Have a Great Day, Brent
After many years in the auto/diesel industry I realized this as well and by the time I was ready to do something else I was on autopilot. I would work hard for the required 8 hours, take my lunch and my breaks religiously. When asked to go the extra mile I was reluctant and let it be known to the requester that I was especially when they were informed weeks before about a dinner that evening with the wife. Job was completed, missed the dinner with the wife(countless times) and only thing that was ever asked, "you get that taken care of?".
I've also worked at large and small companies. It's all about your peers around you. If they are good people that you enjoy being around, and working with every day, the negative things don't mean as much. Your boss has a big influence on your feelings of being appreciated or underappreciated. There are good and bad bosses everywhere, regardless of company size.
Sounds like your company is lacking in the motivational/people building department.
Tyrone
Maybe this will help.
The Light
My eyes have seen what yours have not
My hands have felt the heat
My hairs been burned by sparks and slag
My ears have heard the beat
Hiding my face from vapors harsh
The sweat runs down my cheeks
The darkness shadows ‘round my face
Fresh air around it leaks
The grinding, pounding makes me calm
Soft light I only see
The crackling of ‘lectricity calls
The sound that sings to me
I am content with things I do
No shadows do I fear
Alone, alone in darkest light
Like a moth, it draws me near
The Light that keeps my family fed
For that, I’ll have to cheer!!