Halloween is tomorrow. I don’t know what it means to you, but for me, it's the one day of the year that I can finally get rid of all those extra packets of soy sauce and ketchup. My wife always wants to start watching scary movies on the night before Halloween and this year it’s my turn to pick them. The first movie is one that I’ve watched several times. I’m 56 years old and even though I know what’s going to happen and how it ends, I’m not ashamed to admit that to this day, it still sends shivers down my spine. It is without a doubt, the scariest movie I have ever seen. It's my wedding video. The second scary movie I’ve picked contains moments of unparalleled terror that have never before been captured on film until we made this homemade sex tape several years ago. I know they’re just movies, but still, they’re hard for me to watch. I was willing to pay top dollar for stunt doubles, but they all told me that no amount of money was worth the risk. So I have to relive all those horrifying moments every time I watch those movies, knowing that it’s me being tortured. On the other hand, my wife just loves this time of year, but I can’t take her to the neighborhood Halloween party without her scaring the hell out of everybody. I’ve told her to put a mask on, but she won’t listen. I’ll be the first to admit that sometimes not listening to me does have its advantages. After all, she’s won first prize for the best costume two years running despite the fact she refuses to wear a mask or even a costume. I tried to upstage her last year. I was really feeling creative and I went as a leaf blower. It was great until I noticed one guy who was standing in the corner, smiling at me, and dressed as a leaf.